let’s dance

[dressing]

[Dazai loathes the idea of working with Chuuya. Hadn’t he already done his time? They’d spent years together, and he’d hated it just as much, so being told they’re partnered on a joint mission again is almost enough to make Dazai outright refuse. However, he also hates his plans going wrong, and for this one to work, he needs to be there. The one saving grace is that Dazai knows Chuuya is going to hate it just as much.

That hardly makes it easier, though.]

You step on my foot once, and I’m throwing you under the bus.

[They’re meant to be attending this gala together, and at least Chuuya more or less knows how to dress himself. Dazai had fussed and squirmed the entire time he’d been fitted for a suit, but he looks presentable, hair tucked behind his ear, no wrinkles to be found. He’s wearing some ridiculous cologne that he hates, and keeps wanting to tug his collar open.

He is not looking forward to the dancing portion of this party. It’s not that he doesn’t know how—he’s been thoroughly taught against his will, and still remembers. No, it’s the fact that Chuuya is expected to be his partner.

Disgusting.]

Comments

[indensity]

[Chuuya is stuck wearing a black and gold dress, a long slit down one thigh. He wouldn't mind dressing up like this normally - he looks good and he knows it - but he's always a little extra self-conscious around Dazai, expecting to be made fun of, even if he knows it's not deserved. He looks better than that bastard ever could.

Even if he cleaned up really well. Chuuya keeps having to stop himself from looking.]

The whole point of wearing heels is getting to step on you.

[He keeps his voice low, because they have to keep up appearances, make it seem like they're getting along. But as long as no one can actually hear what they're saying, then it's fine.]

But sure. I won't step on your foot.

[dressing]

[The dress was not Dazai's idea. Okay, maybe he'd initially mentioned it because he knew Chuuya would hate it, but since when does Dazai deal with the consequences of his own actions? Chuuya looks a bit too good in it, and it's irritating as hell, and Dazai isn't going to say anything to indicate the fact. So here they are, both avoiding looking at each other while they're meant to be a 'couple' (disgusting).]

Hmmm? I thought the point of wearing heels was to avoid looking like a child playing dress-up?

[Dazai's smile is pleasant, plastered on his face. They have to keep up appearances, and he's not going to have this mission fail because he couldn't get along with Chuuya for five minutes. No, they'll just continue to trade digs at each other under their breaths, while staying close.

The music is something fancy, a waltz Dazai unfortunately knows the name of.]

[indensity]

Shut up. At least I don't look like I thought the invitation was for a costume party, and I was left desperately throwing a suit on top of a mommy costume.

[Trading digs under their breath is one of the things they do best. Well, it's not usually under their breath - usually it's very loud, drowning out any conversation anyone else was hoping to have, with punches and hair pulling thrown in, but this is for a mission. They can behave for a mission.

Neither of them is willing to be the reason the mission fails when the other would never stop rubbing it in their face.]

Do you even know what to do in a situation like this? Or were you planning to hide against the back wall with a drink?

[dressing]

[A mommy costume? Please. This outfit is expensive, and uncomfortable, which means it obviously looks nice. Dazai has found that the outfits that look the nicest are the most draining to wear, after all.

They will behave for a mission, but he's certainly not going to enjoy it. If he can outlast Chuuya, then it's worth all the trouble. (And Dazai knows Chuuya is likely thinking the same thing, so. It works out. Ugh.)]

Are you stupid? Do you honestly think I'd come into a place like this not knowing what to do?

[Dazai grabs Chuuya's elbow a bit too roughly.]

Unlike you, I was brought up properly.

[indensity]

[Chuuya doesn't stumble. He'd never stumble. But when Dazai grabs his elbow like that, his next step ends up a little bit too fast, like he was caught off guard. But it's not something anyone would notice. Except his damn partner, of course. But it's unfair because he wasn't prepared, and he's just been struck with a horrifying thought: He's been taught how to dance, but it was only a few lessons, and he wasn't taught how to follow.

Of course Dazai will lead... Actually, maybe he can manage to argue somehow that he shouldn't?]

I've been taught how to dance!

[He'll let Dazai lead him by the elbow for now.]

Rock-paper-scissors to see who gets to lead?

[dressing]

[...As if Dazai is going to let Chuuya lead. He knows how to do both, but wouldn't it look absurd for him to be the one following?]

I already know I'll win; don't bother embarrassing yourself.

[He's not even going to entertain the idea, moving to stand in front of Chuuya, placing a hand on his waist without bothering to wait for an answer.]

[indensity]

[Chuuya stiffens just slightly, looking like he wants to argue, or better yet, fight Dazai over the right to lead, but... But he can't do anything to ruin the mission, which means he can't cause a scene here. He takes Dazai's shoulder, but squeezes it a little bit too tight, hoping it hurts.]

I should put these heels through your throat.

[It's low enough that Dazai is the only one who'll hear. Even he might struggle catching it, if he didn't know Chuuya so well, or if he was anyone but Dazai. Chuuya takes his hand as well, placing them a little too close, not close enough, the appropriate distance for dancing.

Even with heels, Chuuya has to look up at him like this.]

Let me get into it before you try anything flashy, like I know you're planning.

[dressing]

[The fact that they're on a mission really limits the fussing Chuuya can put up, to Dazai's delight. He's absolutely going to use that to his advantage, as he's already doing right this moment. Yeah, the hand at his shoulder hurts, but it's a small price to pay. Have a nice time with that bony shoulder, Chuuya.]

Be my guest. I'd love to report back that you were the one to ruin the undercover operation.

[If anyone were watching them, they'd see a hushed conversation between a couple, rather than the venomous jabs at each other, but that's always been how they operate.

He doesn't wait at all before leading Chuuya in an obnoxious move towards the rest of the dancing partners.]

Flashy? Me? When you're dressed like that?

[indensity]

I'm saving it for later.

[Because he really can't do it now. If anyone is going to ruin this mission, it will be Dazai, and Chuuya will make sure of it. Just like Dazai is trying to make sure Chuuya fucks it up somehow. Though, in the end, even if that happens, the two of them will still complete this mission. They always do.

But he still has to survive this part. Chuuya doesn't stumble, his sense of balance is good even with Dazai touching him. He doesn't glare, but he wants to. He squeezes Dazai's shoulder again, and then gives up, because the bastard clearly doesn't care. For someone who claims to hate pain, he can take a lot of it. Chuuya falls into step, allows himself to be led, and starts plotting his revenge for once they're out of here.

It's annoyingly easy to follow Dazai's lead.]

If I'm going to dress up, I'm going to do it right. Unlike some people.

[Nope. Dazai still looks too damn good. And he's too damn close to Chuuya for him to be able to pull off that lie convincingly.]

[dressing]

[Oh, please. Dazai knows he looks good, mostly because at least some effort was made to do so, and because he knows Chuuya would be fussing a whole lot more if he didn't. And okay, Chuuya really doesn't look bad, but Dazai really would rather die than admit that, so!

The music is some waltz, a rather boring tempo. Nothing exciting to speak of, which makes it easy to converse during it. Dancing provides a good cover for discussing plans, but Dazai isn't going to waste his time doing something practical. Instead, he'll use it to antagonize Chuuya.]

Ah... It feels as though I'm dancing with a child. I do hope you're not having to stretch too much to be able to make these steps, I'm not used to a partner with such short legs...

[indensity]

[He really wants to punch Dazai. He hates this mission already. This is why missions where they work together should only ever involve violence, and nothing else.

At least it's saving him from accidentally enjoying dancing like this, which was unfortunately a risk. It's weirdly intimate. It forces him to trust Dazai, which was always easy, at least where it matters. He can feel the heat of his body, and he wouldn't be opposed to dancing a little bit closer. Which is why it's much better to focus on arguing.]

You're not used to a partner at all. I can tell. Did you sleep through all those dance lessons you bragged about? Or did you only ever practice alone?

[When it comes to insulting each other, it doesn't actually matter if any of it makes sense or not.]

[dressing]

[They're close for a reason other than fighting or sex, which is certainly weird, but for the sake of the mission--and an opportunity to antagonize Chuuya--Dazai will suffer it. He'll go for some complex steps, to see if Chuuya will stumble.]

Do you really want to know who I practiced with?

[Dazai isn't used to a partner because 1) he hates dancing, and 2) he hasn't done this in years. Also 3) he hates dancing with Chuuya, so.]

[indensity]

[It's definitely not enjoyable. There's a reason why they hate spending time together. There's a reason why they try to avoid it as much as possible, even if... Well, they haven't actually been avoiding it lately.

They never did, but that's not the point.]

I don't need to know. It's no one you cared about.

[And it's not like he'd be jealous. And he doesn't stumble. He keeps up. He feels a bit awkward, he definitely doesn't pull off that move as smoothly as he would have liked... Why didn't he practice this more, he hates when Dazai is better at something than him.]

[dressing]

Are you sure about that?

[Well, in truth, he'd practiced - 'practiced' - with a lot of people. Not to mention the person who forced Dazai to learn in the first place. Did he care about any of them? That's up for debate. Dazai would say 'no'.]

You're too stiff. Loosen up.

[Dazai actually trying is only because he wants to prove a point, the point being that he is better at this than Chuuya.]

[indensity]

I'm sure I don't care.

[Even though he's the one who asked in the first place. But he honestly (mostly) really doesn't, whether he only danced with people for the purposes of learning, or if he danced with some of those women he tries to goad into double suicide. Why would he be jealous of any of them?

Why would anything Dazai does make him jealous? He's not.]

I'm not stiff, you're just bad at leading.

[Definitely a lie. Chuuya can always tell what Dazai wants him to do, in every situation. And he does make himself loosen up a bit, immediately dancing a bit more smoothly.]

[dressing]

[He's not bad at leading. And Chuuya isn't terrible at following, either, and this is the nature of their teamwork. They're good at nonverbal cues, good at reading what the other will do next. Dazai doesn't even think it's always conscious on Chuuya's part.

And Chuuya is loosening up. Honestly, if he weren't such a stubborn, miserable asshole, Dazai might admit he's sort of amused with this.]

I'm impeccable at leading. Everyone I've danced with has said so.

[Hardly. Mori scolded Dazai for being too lazy, too pushy. The women he's danced with... well, they had other things to complain about, like being asked to jump off a bridge.]

[indensity]

So you've only ever danced with yourself.

[Because clearly the only person who'd ever compliment Dazai is Dazai.

Even though it's true. He's good. When he's not deliberately being a dick to see if he can make Chuuya stumble, he's easy to follow, his cues easy to read. And even when he is being a dick, Chuuya can keep up now he's getting over that initial awkwardness. It could almost be fun.]

Hey. Try something fancier.

[If they're doing it, they have to show off.]

[dressing]

Tsk, you must be jealous. There there, Chuuya; I’d only ever take you as my dog.

[ Of course Chuuya wants to show off, but Dazai isn’t about to let him take over. No matter how their dance changes, Dazai stubbornly refuses to let Chuuya lead; his grip tightens — a warning — but he does allow his steps to grow slightly more complex. ]

Enjoying yourself?

[indensity]

I'm not your dog.

[His objection is instant. But the way Dazai is saying it - that he'd only take Chuuya - almost feels like a compliment. He shoves it down. It's definitely not making him feel weirdly warm. He focuses on the dance. On the warning squeeze from Dazai. He could ignore it, because he doesn't take orders from Dazai, but...

He matches his pace smoothly again, letting Dazai lead.]

With you? Never.

[A lie.]

[dressing]

[Dazai snorts.]

That sounds like something a dog would say.

[And Dazai hates dogs, so it's a fair comparison! Chuuya is even collared, how in the world can he object to being called a dog when he wears that thing around?

They turn, and Dazai purposely steps on one of Chuuya's feet.]

[indensity]

You--

[He's cut off when Dazai steps on his foot, stumbling, gripping on tight to catch himself. He stops dancing as he tries to recover.]

What the hell?!

[Did anyone notice? He glances around quickly, before stepping closer to Dazai, both to hopefully pass off their actions as normal, and so he can whisper more angrily without being overheard.]

What? Got your feelings hurt since I wasn't enjoying myself enough, so now you have to ruin it?

[dressing]

Ah, oops! How clumsy of me. I suppose I'm just a terrible dance partner, aren't I?

[ That shit-eating grin on Dazai's face says otherwise, though.

Getting his feelings hurt? Hardly. Dazai has no feelings except contempt for Chuuya. That is literally the only feeling allowed to exist in his body.

They're awfully close now, though. Dazai presses his hand firmly against Chuuya's waist to keep him there. Why the hell is your waist so small, Chuuya? ]

[indensity]

[Chuuya hadn't been planning to pull away again; Dazai doesn't need to hold him in place. But they're supposed to be dancing, so he won't complain. He wouldn't have complained anyway.

Dazai's hand seems to fit perfectly against his waist.]

No, you're just a dick. [Ugh.] But fine. You're not a bad dancer. There's worse dancers in the room.

[Probably. Chuuya isn't paying attention to the other dancers.]

[dressing]

[He should have complained. Who the hell wouldn't complain about being forced to dance with Dazai?

The hand at Chuuya's waist squeezes, perhaps a little too hard, because he can.]

Ah, so you admit it? I am an excellent dancer? Would you like to say it again, dear?

[That shit-eating grin on his face isn't going anywhere.]

[indensity]

[Of course Chuuya can tell what Dazai wants, or at least part of it. If Chuuya admits that he enjoys dancing with him, then Dazai can use it against him, tease him with it whenever he wants to shut Chuuya up... On the other hand, if Chuuya admits it, they can at least get back to dancing again.

And focusing on the mission, of course.

But on the other other hand, Dazai will be a smug bastard about it. On the other other other hand... dear?! How the hell is he supposed to react to that, even if it's just for the parts they're playing.]

Prove it first.

[He's not giving in yet. But he does want to dance some more. And he doesn't think Dazai could grip him too tightly, even though he knows he's not actually being possessive.]